


With You My Dear I'm Safe

by AllTheseLittleWritings



Series: You Wish You Could Paint Our Love [6]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Crying, Engagement, Family, Fluff, Holiday, Implied/Referenced Sex, Laughter, Love, M/M, Marriage, Nervousness, Relationship Issues, Soulmates, True Love, being close, calm, closeting, fear of hurting someone, fear of losing someone, fear of talking, fight, friends - Freeform, smiling, summer rains
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 08:24:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4699016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheseLittleWritings/pseuds/AllTheseLittleWritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Louis go to Sweden for a holiday. Louis ponders about asking Harry to marry him, Harry is sure that things are worse than they really are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With You My Dear I'm Safe

The sun sets behind grey clouds. It colors the surroundings with fiery rays, turning everything in to different shades of orange. There's almost no other traffic, few cars blind Harry with their headlights when they drive by. The windows in the car are open, the Swedish late summer wind breezing Harry's and Louis' face and blasting their hair around their heads.

 

Harry keeps humming aimlessly some random tunes that are playing in his head. He taps his fingers against the steering wheel, a small clicking sound from the leather making its way through the insides of the car. Louis sleeps with his head leaned against the seat belt. Harry holds his hand, brushing his thumb across the back of it from time to time. Harry sighs as he sees only road ahead, a straight line going on and on without turns. Trees and fields guide them through the countryside.

 

Harry can smell the salty ocean in the air, feel the climate changing with humidity. He turns on to a road that is lined with tall reeds rising from the ground. The dirt road rasps under the tires. The sun is almost completely gone, some yard lights giving him the right direction to the cottage. The head lights reveal the dark road and eventually also a red cottage rising against a black back drop that is the ocean.

\- -

"Lou, wake up." Harry whispers, when he has parked the car and carried their luggage inside. He lit the yard lights and they illuminate the grass, the small white beach surrounded by rocks, the cottage and a smaller cottage that is built on a platform over the waves. Harry guesses the kitchen is in there because there isn't one in the main cabinet.

 

Louis' expression is calm, his eyes lightly shut. The lights from outside make his skin look pale, almost a shade of blue. His brows furrow as he hears Harry's voice waking him up. Harry leans against the roof of the car, his head inside the car.

 

"I can drive the rest of the way." Louis mumbles, not making any moves to actually wake up.

"We are already here silly. Let's go inside. And sleep there." Harry's quiet, smiley words make Louis open his eyes and look around.

"You drove all the way?"

"Yeah because you need the rest. Come on, let's go inside." Louis has sleepy eyes that look up at Harry. Louis reaches his lips to him, which hit Harry's cheek when he turns his head away. Louis furrows his brows at him, sighing deeply. Harry helps Louis out and takes his hand when they walk the short journey inside. The tension is awkward between them. 

 

Harry opens the door for Louis and let's him in first to see what the place is like. It's filled with creamy colored furniture with blue accents here and there. A small sofa, a couple of arm chairs, a dining table, a radio. Louis walks slowly, exploring the small space.

 

"There is a small bedroom just behind that corner after the bathroom." Harry tells him. Louis nods along, opening the door to the bathroom and looks inside to see a toilet, a shower and a wash basin.  
He rounds the corner to the bedroom, a beaded door curtain shaking and rattling as he peeks in. He goes in, leaving Harry to stand alone in the living room area.

 

"Wanna come in?" Louis asks faintly. Harry kicks his shoes off and tip toes in the bedroom to see Louis laying on his back on the bed only in his briefs, his upper body leaned to his elbows. 

"What are you doing" Harry smiles. 

They haven't done anything to pleasure each other after Louis' crash. Louis has had head aches and Harry is afraid that he might hurt him some way. The bruises are still there, visible but already fading from the edges. He had his stitches removed just a couple of days before they left for the holiday. Harry has been in London for the whole time to take care of Louis. He hired someone to pack some of his stuff in LA for him for the trip and bring them to him before he and Louis left London together.

But it doesn't change anything that he has been by Louis' side and seen him get better. Harry is afraid. He is afraid that he is going to cause Louis pain, that he is going to hurt his boyfriend someway if he gets him excited.

 

"Harry, please, I'm begging. Give me something." Louis pleads, his brows pulled together in a sad frown. His lower lip pouted outwards he bats his eyes at Harry, who leans against the doorway.

"Are you sure you can? That it will not make things uncomfortable for you?" Harry question, hovering before the bed.

"No one told me not to have sex so climb in here, I want you close." Louis pats the bed next to him.

"But you look so tired."

"Oh for crying out loud! Don't you want me or something!?" Louis falls on his back, throwing his hands to his sides. Harry looks at him, his mind saying that Louis is fragile, that he needs to be completely scrape free. But his body is saying to forget about his worries and do what his boyfriend is asking him to.

 

Harry moves slowly, climbing on top of Louis. He has his eyes closed. When he feels Harry's weight on top of him, his mouth curves in to a soft smile, like he would've accomplished something by getting Harry in to bed. Louis moves his hands to Harry's thighs, stroking them calmly. He opens his eyes to look up at Harry, who is clearly unsure of what to do.

 

"What are you thinking about?" Louis asks, his voice almost a whisper, some wheezes of voice coming out.

"If it's not a good idea, that I'm going to hurt you some way." Harry sighs, touching Louis' stomach gently, the muscles under his skin fluttering lightly.

"You aren't going to hurt me Harry, I'm not made of glass. It's me, Louis, we've done this before. You know how this works." He tries to smile, but it turns out weak.

"But, before, you haven't had a bruised forehead and eye." Harry remarks, looking Louis straight in the eyes. Louis sighs, moving his hands from Harry's thighs.

"Okay fine. Let's not do anything then." He says, pushing Harry off. He turns his back to Harry, who moves to sit on his knees on the mattress. He watches Louis' back as Louis breathes slowly. He is trying to keep his anger inside, Harry can feel it in the air.

 

"You can't be mad at me for this." Harry says, his voice coming out a little harder.

"But it seems that you don't even want me anymore! You don't want to touch me!"

"It isn't that, you know it isn't." Harry tries to defend himself but his argument comes out weak, like Louis would actually be telling the truth.

"Well it really seems like it with the head turns when I try to kiss you or when you just push me away or not answer when I'm trying to give myself to you." Louis snaps. He takes a moment for himself, breathing out a long breath. He turns around, finding Harry fiddling with one of his rings. His curls cover his beautiful face when he hangs his head low.

 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Louis asks when Harry doesn't say anything and he can hear how their breathing mixes in the air. Harry is clearly hurt.

"About what?"

"Don't play dumb with me. The weather if you like but we both know that isn't what I meant." Louis says, his voice staying extremely calm.

"What is there to say? That I thought that I'm going to lose you? That I thought that when I get to London I was going to face your mom who would tell me that you are no longer here? Is that what you wanna hear?" Harry storms, making the room fill with his words. They echo between the walls, making them fall on the couple. Harry lifts his head, his eyes sweeping past Louis. 

Louis sees the pain in Harry's features, when he is trying to not look Louis in the eye.

"Why haven't you told me that?"

"Did you seriously think that when I got that phone call or got in that hospital, I was just happy to see you?" Harry counters, his mind racing with the dark thoughts.

"No I.. I didn't mean that.."

"It's not about not wanting you Lou, because I do, believe me I do. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm going to hurt you somehow." Finally Harry turns his deep green eyes to Louis, who reaches his hand to Harry's knee.

 

Harry breathes deep, he blinks a few times. He looks at Louis, his hair that is matted against his head.

"I want you and I'm not weak Harry." Louis tells him when Harry doesn't say anything.

"We can wait if that is really what you want. But I'm not weak, you have to understand that. It's been two weeks." Louis drills his eyes to Harry's, trying to get the point through. He tries to smile, but he knows that the attempted smile is full of sorrow. It's just that he needs Harry. He needs him close. Not only Harry holding his hand or giving him a kiss on his cheek as a good nights wish. He needs Harry.

 

Harry sits still until he can't take it anymore. He leans in, his lips almost touching Louis'. They just breathe for a while, Harry still battling with his mixed feelings. Until his lower lip touches Louis' soft skin. He feels everything in his brain crumbling in to dust and the pure excitement comes washing in. He pulls away and gets rid of his white long sleeved shirt. It messes his hair in to a fluffy cloud over his head. Harry pushes Louis to his back and moves to straddle him.

"You have to tell me if anything hurts okay?" Harry sighs in to Louis' mouth before he kisses Louis. Harry feels the tension in his stomach, he wants it to unravel. Louis only nods, his hands hungry against Harry's skin. They roam his stomach, his sides, his neck, his arms that protect Louis' body between them. Louis' hands explore Harry's thighs again, firmer this time. He starts to open Harry's jeans, which make Harry's racing heart thump in his ears.

 

Harry stops his violent kisses to Louis mouth and neck to look down at him.

"What is it?" Louis asks, his hand halfway down Harry's front, already feeling how hard his boyfriend is.

"I could never stop wanting you. You know that. I love you." Harry makes sure. A lazy smile takes over Louis' lips, him only nodding.

"You know that my heart beats for you." Louis says, while pulling Harry's jeans down his hips. Harry starts to smile too. He bends down, kissing the corner of Louis' bruised eye as lightly as he can. He smells the scent of Louis' skin, before he kisses him again. Slower this time, more sweet. Suddenly he is very nervous, the feeling shooting out from his fingertips and every pore in his body. He gets very self conscious of his movements, what he is doing. Like he could stop now, when he is burning for Louis. Harry's skin shivers under Louis' hands. He moves only closer to Louis to get some courage.

\- -

They lay in the dark, Harry in Louis' arms, his back against Louis' front. He feels free of his thoughts and of his paralyzing fears of losing the only one who he can love like this, the love he has ever felt for anyone. 

He feels free in his naked body that is shielded with Louis' warm arms and legs, the other hugging Harry's thigh. He can feel Louis breathing against his neck, the feather light warm air tingling his skin. 

And boy, was he wrong about hurting Louis. He giggles lightly, his head still in another space and spinning from the love making. He closes his eyes and almost immediately falls asleep, the blissful mindset giving him a good nights sleep without waking up with cold sweat from nightmares in the middle of the night. Or his brain making up the sound of his phone ringing with a call from a hospital waiting to be answered.

 

\- - - -

 

The sun starts to rise early. Harry looks at the clock on the bedside table - 4.56 it says. He can hear some birds chirping behind the window where the light streams in. Louis holds him tightly against his chest. In his sleep, he still manages to splay his fingers across Harry's chest and graze his fingertips gently across the complexion.

 

There has been some unsaid words between them, Harry can tell that. Even though they might have accomplished some break through last night, there is still something that is being under wraps. The atmosphere has been awkward after the crash. Harry has been afraid to talk about his fears or what it was like for him to get the call. And Louis has.. Louis has some thoughts that he isn't addressing.

And it does scare Harry, it really does. It has been hard on them, everything always is. But Harry feels that on this holiday they could maybe solve things out. Louis being distant with his thoughts isn't like him and even though he shows his affection or he does things that tell that he really loves Harry, doesn't fix everything. There is something that is being unsaid. And Harry is determined to fix it.

 

Slowly Harry opens Louis' arms to crawl out from them. He doesn't even remember when they turned to have their heads at the foot of the bed. But that is where their heads are at and their bodies are covered with a tangled mess that is called a duvet. Harry tucks Louis in and tip toes out from the bedroom. The curtain at the door rattles gently, the beads hitting his skin. Harry walks to the suitcases and gets a fresh pair of boxers for him before he goes in the toilet.

 

The warm water runs down his body, to his feet and through the drain. Harry holds his palms against the wall, his head hanging between his biceps. The shower gently washes away the tension on his shoulders. He doesn't know what to say when he doesn't know what might be wrong. Maybe Louis is also afraid to talk about the crash. Maybe he was also afraid of what could've happened. Harry reminds himself not to only think about himself in the middle of the awkwardness. That he has someone else here too, in his heart, who might be afraid of things. Harry blows air through his lips, making small drops of water drip from his mouth.

 

Grow up, Harry straightens his back and thinks. He closes the water, wraps a towel around his hair and washes his teeth. He puts on the briefs and hangs the damp towel on a hook on the door. He steps out from the steamy toilet to only hear silence. 

The front door looks too inviting not to go open it and see what it's like outside. Harry walks out on the porch to see a calm Baltic Sea washing the rocks that the cabin is built on. The sun rises from under the water, a small layer of mist giving Harry a feeling that he actually could still be sleeping. A seagull laughs somewhere in the distance. The air is salty, almost cool when the sun hasn't made it warm yet. Harry steps from the wooden porch and on to the grass. His feet leave traces of his path through the yard. The small droplets of morning mist break against his feet. He breathes in the fresh air and it feels good. He stands in the middle of the yard just in his briefs and let's his mind rest.

\- -

Louis lays on his back. The light that streams through the window makes everything seem so dreamy. Louis too. Harry is actually really afraid that everything he is going through is only really a dream. That when he wakes up, everything turns dark and in to a nightmare.

Harry pinches his arm only to realize that it was a stupid move because his skin tingles unpleasantly and two half moon shaped nail imprints are dug to his skin. So apparently he isn't asleep. Which is a good thing.

 

Harry rests his head to the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor. He searches Louis profile. He has rarely looked at Louis from this angle, from the top of his head. Harry can only see the high rises of his cheekbones, his eyelashes, the curves of his nose while everything else is really just a blur under a white thin duvet.

 

Louis looks like a fictional character that wouldn't be real in the world they live in. Like he would be from another time where things were simpler. When the sun always shined. When the rain washed away the bad in the world. When actual sparks would fly when you would touch the love of your life. A world where you could dive in to someone's eyes and see what kind of a reality the other person sees. And what the other person really feels. Words wouldn't be laced with feelings that people are too afraid to speak aloud. A world where they could be free.

 

Louis looks peaceful. His lashes have turned golden and they shiver when Louis sees a silent dream. His skin looks soft, like Harry would be looking Louis through a smoky mirror.  
Harry touches Louis' hair with his fingertips. They move so lightly against the feather soft strands that his hair doesn't even find a new path to flow. Harry's hand starts to shake lightly from the fear of waking Louis up that he has to stop. So he only looks at Louis, his love bursting through his eyes.

\- -

Louis turns to his side, searching Harry with his hand. When he cant find him from next to him, Louis opens his eyes. He lifts his head from the pillow to look around. His eyes land on a mussed cloud of curls laying on top of the bed and a head that sleeps against the mattress. Louis smiles sleepily, his nerves taking over once again. Even though he doesn't have the ring on him right now, when he knows that the box is deep in his luggage, he still gets butterflies flying in his stomach. He doesn't know how or when he is going to ask the question. He promised himself that this is the time when he is going to ask it. It's now or never. But the words just tangle on to his tongue and they won't come out.

 

Louis touches Harry's forehead, waking him up. Harry lifts his head on to the bed, his eyes peeking open.

"Morning." He croaks.

"Morning sleepy unicorn." Harry smiles at that, the familiar nickname, that has grown so dear to them both. Even though Harry still isn't sure where it came from.

"Why are you on the floor?" Louis asks while he drags his fingers through the soft curls. Harry closes his eyes, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I woke up and wanted to just... Sit and admire you." Harry's mouth is pressed against the mattress, the words sounding muffled. Louis snorts silently, moving closer to Harry's head.

"Come back to bed?" Louis asks, whispering the words to the direction of Harry's ear. Harry smiles, keeping his eyes closed while he gets up and next to Louis while Louis keeps the duvet up for him to crawl under it.

"You smell fresh." Louis whispers as he presses his forehead against Harry's. They tie their hands together, their palms growing warmer by the touch. Harry doesn't answer, only presses his eyes closed tighter and tries to soak in the feeling of Louis.

Louis can feel the question in his blood, burning in his head. He would want to scream it out loud.

"Harry?"

"Mmhm?" Is the only thing Harry answers.

Louis has his mouth open, not a sound crossing his lips.

"Let's sleep for a bit longer yeah?" Louis beats himself in his head. Why does he have to be such a coward!

"Yeah." Harry nuzzles closer, his legs tangling with Louis'. Louis keeps his left hand laced with Harry's both hands, to move his right to Harry's back. He can feel Harry's lungs filling with air and how his rib cage moves with every drag of breath.

 

"Will you marry me?" Louis asks mutely, only moving his lips when he looks at Harry's face from close. He closes his eyes, tears streaming from his eyes. He can't be this weak not to ask the question aloud. 

And now the moments gone. He's had his chances and now it seems that he could ask it what ever would be going on - if Harry was in the toilet or making food or playing his guitar. He would ask it if he wouldn't be so fucking scared. The words are there, the ring is there, the love is there, but his voice is not. He soaks in the warmth that is Harry and his heart hammers in his chest when his body is filled with love and excitement and confessions and plans and hopes. 

But outside is only a boy, a boy who is 8 years old and who is afraid to say it all out loud. To tell how much he loves Harry. A boy who is too afraid to show Harry how much he wants to spend the rest of his life with him. Through sickness and in health. A boy who has almost already written a vow to tell his boyfriend how much he loves him. A boy who is too afraid to ask those four words. Will. You. Marry. Me. Just a boy, who is too afraid.

 

Louis would want to blend in to Harry, and stay there forever. Not to move, not to talk, just be there and be one with Harry. So he moves closer, his hand squeezing between him and Harry and their chests.

 

Just a young boy too afraid to take the next step.

 

\- - - -

 

"What day is it today?" Louis' voice comes out hoarse, after laying on the sand for a good time. The late afternoon sun beats their skin, some seagulls flying over them and laughing. The sea washes the shore with calm waves. Louis and Harry lay on their towels, next to each other, in their swimming trunks. Harry has bright red ones, Louis' are black.

"I have no idea.. Maybe Tuesday? We came here.." Harry grows silent, clearly losing track of time.

"Have we been here for four days?" Louis asks, opening his eyes. It was a bad idea, as he has to squint his eyes almost completely shut because of the bright light.

"I think so yeah." Harry has his mouth against the towel, his back getting tanned. He has his arms under his head, they are like a hard pillow.

"I want to do something." Louis groans. He lifts his legs, his feet against the towel.

"I don't, I want to just relax."

"We can relax while doing something?" Louis' voice gets higher at the end.

"I want to just be." Harry murmurs.

"Maybe we could go rowing?" Louis suggests, his voice trying to persuade Harry to do something. He eyes the rowing boat on the beach hopefully, the oars calling him to get the boat on the water.

"I want to relax." Harry moans against the towel.

"Oh you are such a bore." Louis sighs and closes his eyes again. They have been on the beach for a good while already. Both of their skins are turning from lightly tan to red as the ruthless rays burn it inch by inch. Even though they did massage sun cream for each other, maybe it wasn't enough.

 

"Okay unicorn man, this is it." Louis says, opening his eyes again. He scrambles up on his knees, a serious head rush taking over his sight. His forehead beats with his pulse on the bruises, making Louis close his eyes and take deep breaths.

"You okay?" Louis opens his eyes to see Harry on his side, looking worried. Louis waits for a little while longer. Harry places his hand on his knee, not letting go.

"Yeah." Louis sighs.

"But you are not going to be." Louis gets up, running towards the water with his towel in his hands.

"What are you doing?" Harry wonders, his words echoed by the water. Louis dips the cloth in the waves, shaking and soaking it well. When it's dripping wet, Louis turns towards Harry. Slowly he makes his way towards Harry, who is turning on to his back, taking support from his elbows.

"What are you doing?" Harry looks at the towel with wide eyes.

"Because you aren't coming to swim with me, I'll bring the water to you." He announces, before he starts to squeeze and shake the towel over Harry. The droplets from the fabric are huge, splashing against Harry's sizzling skin.

 

"Heeeeeyyyy!" Harry laughs, trying to catch the wet towel. He misses it only by the touch of his fingertips, Louis already running back in to the water. Harry stands up, running after him. Louis stars to laugh uncontrollably when Harry catches him by his waist and lifts him up. The towel flies from his hand on to the sand, half in the water.

"You want to go swimming?" Harry laughs, carrying Louis deeper in to the ocean. Louis' legs are in the water, the coldness making him shiver. Harry is already waist deep, still walking deeper.

"It's fucking freezing!" Louis shivers more. He laughs through the clattering of his teeth, gasping for air the more he goes in the water in Harry's arms. 

He clutches his hands on to Harry's. Until Harry just lets go, Louis splashing in to the sea. He disappears under the waves, not coming up. Harry smiles, waiting to see Louis in front of him. He waits, but nothing happens. He stands there, in the middle of their beautiful holiday sea, the water reaching his chest. Harry's smile starts to falter, the water turning still.

"Louis?" Harry asks, a real worry settling in his chest.

"Louis!" He yells, feeling something tugging his trunks. He looks down, the sea too unclear to actually see through it. The sun doesn't reach deeper than just the surface. He dives his hands down, other hands pushing them away under the surface. At least it's some sort of a sign that Louis is alright and it gives Harry some relief. Or maybe it was a merman.

The tugging stops, until a strong grip on his trunks makes them fall down his legs. Harry's feet almost lose their balance in the wavy sea, but his feet find a new spot of sand to balance on.

 

The water vibrates, bubbles reaching the surface. Suddenly Louis rises from the water, small droplets falling from his eye lashes and down his face. Harry stares at him, feeling the cold water washing his body.

"Surprise." Louis whispers, smiling a smile so wide that his eyes close and his teeth shine in the light. Harry stares at him stunned, not knowing what to feel. And the first thing he does feel, is a bang of anger.

"Why did you do that for! I was afraid something bad happened!" Harry yells, his eyes actually mad.  
Louis' smile hits a wall. His insides ache from looking at Harry. He is in actual pain by the pure hurt that he sees in Harry's wide eyes.

 

Harry turns around, starting his way towards the beach.

"Harry, I'm sorry!" Louis yells after him, Harry struggling to get back on the sand because of his shorts tying around his ankles.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!" Louis swims to the shore just after Harry.

"I got worried!" Harry puffs, trying to get the shorts up his legs. It just seems impossibly hard as his legs are so wet and the trunks are so tangled. Louis gets on the beach, panting from the pace of his swimming that might've been too hard for him.

Louis kneels down next to Harry's feet, helping him solve the riddle of the shorts and pulling them up Harry's legs.

"I'm sorry Harry. I didn't mean it like that." Louis says, not a trace of kidding in his voice. He lifts to his feet, placing his hands on Harry's arms. He tries to look Harry in the eye, but he is hiding his gaze in the sand underneath their feet.

 

"It was kinda funny that you pulled my shorts down." Harry says so silently that Louis really has to put an effort to hear him say the words. He lifts his brows when he sees the smallest of smiles on Harry's soft lips.

"Now what was that? Funny? Was that funny?" Louis' smirk gets encouraged by Harry's eyes that move to gaze Louis from under Harry's brows. His smile grows with Louis', until they are both cackling like there would be no tomorrow. They hold each other's arms in their hands, looking each other in the eye.

 

"I'm sorry Harry, that you got worried. I won't do that again." Louis tells him, walking closer and pressing his forehead against Harry's shoulder.

"When you found out about the accident, it must've been hard for you. I've seen how you act around me, how gentle you've become. But in the end everything got better, we are both here, enjoying this beautiful place." Louis lifts his head from Harry's skin and looks him in the eyes. He places his hands to Harry's neck, his fingers scratching the skin under the tiniest hairs on the back of his head gently.

"We are both alive and I'm going to be better than ever. You don't have to be afraid of hurting me okay? I will tell you if I'm in pain in any way okay?" Louis knows that that is what Harry is thinking, about hurting Louis or about him not actually being there. Or something happening to Louis. He can see it in his eyes, the way he acts. Like Harry would be holding some very expensive antique glass figure that could break from the tiniest of pressures.

"I..." Harry begins but closes his mouth. 

"You can tell me." Louis smiles a sad smile, sympathy spilling from his eyes.

"I just... I love you so much and I don't know what I'd do if I'd lose you right now."

"You aren't going to lose me, never in a million years." Louis assures, trying to make Harry feel at least a bit better by grazing his fingers on the back of his neck and his hair.

"But something could happen to any of us."

"And if that happens, then we'll know that we were happy. That we got to experience something this amazing as love is."

 

Harry doesn't say anything to that, just stares Louis back.

"I want us to live, not to think about something that could've happened or something that could've changed everything. I want to live with you, right now, in this moment and in the moments that are still to come."

"I want that too." Harry finally breaks the sad mask on his face, light bathing on to his features. The green in his eyes turns lighter, his smile turns upwards, the wrinkles on his forehead become smoother, the dimples in his cheeks turning a little deeper as his smile grows.

"I want that. What ever comes our way, then it will." Harry says, reaching his lips to Louis'. But before their lips can touch, Harry clearly with intention falls on the sand bringing Louis down on top of him.

 

"Hey!" Louis laughs before he kisses Harry hard. It seems like a chain has been cut that kept him from Harry. That Harry was there but something was keeping them from actually being there for each other. He smiles in to the kiss, happiness radiating from him on to Harry and the beach. He can almost feel how the air gets happy too, the sea is happy that they talked, even every little insect is cheering for them.

Louis curls around Harry like he was a koala bear and listens to Harry's heartbeat through his chest. Harry has his arms around Louis, while they lay in the sand while the sun keeps on kissing their skins.

Now would be a good time to bring up the question, Louis' brain reminds him. But Louis shuts it off. The moment is too perfect not to be ruined with nervous words and shaky breaths.

Harry feels how Louis tenses in his arms. Even though one thing would be solved, Louis isn't saying something. And it bothers Harry.

 

\- - - - 

 

"Look look!" Louis points towards the deep blue, where a seagull dives in to the water and catches a fish. It flies back in to the air, the fish tightly between the birds beak. Drops of water fall back in to the ocean as the setting sun fills them with golden rays. Harry twists his head and upper body to look at the wild life. He smiles, turning his eyes back to Louis'. He sighs, leaning back against the wooden edge of the small boat. 

"It's nice out here." He says silently, while Louis dips the oars in the water and takes a long, slow pull with them. The boat moves forward in the open sea, some small islands breaking the surface somewhere far away. The water looks black while the sun sets under it. Some dark clouds creep against the pastel sky. It's quiet, only the small waves against the wood breaking the silent evening. A calm wind blows the salty air around them, flying away the air that they have already used.

"You can't really get this in London or anywhere really." Louis answers, earning a quiet laugh from Harry. He drags his fingertips against the surface of the sea, creating a small wave of his own in the water. Louis sees him closing his eyes. Harry's hair moves in the wind, like he would be from a story book. He looks so calm, like he wouldn't have a care in the world. Like he was completely free.

 

"Stop the boat." Harry tells him, turning his eyes to Louis. Louis does as he is told, lifting the oars on the boat.

"Let's stay here for a while." Harry says sitting up on the bench between the edges of the boat. They sit in the middle of nowhere. No other people breaking their own little paradise moment.

Louis looks around them, fear braking through his thoughts. He looks out to the sea, where no one is. It's only black and deep and cold and it could swallow them in an instant. But when he fixes his eyes on Harry, the fear disappears. Harry is already looking at Louis, a smile on his lips. Louis can see how Harry's eyes are filled with tears.

"I love you Louis Tomlinson!" Harry yells from the top of his lungs, the tears spilling to his cheeks and down to his chin.

"What are you doing?" Louis giggles, fumbling forward. The boat starts to sway sickeningly so he has to sit back down, and stop moving. He has his arms stretched towards Harry, like it would silence him. Harry only smiles before he fills his lungs again.

"I LOVE YOU LOUIS TOMLINSON!!" He screams, his voice breaking.

"Harry! Someone could hear you!" Louis laughs, his expression a mix of horror and laughter.

"Because I can't say this aloud anywhere else when we are somewhere, I'm saying it here." Harry smiles before he screams the words out in to the open air again. Louis' smile falters, tears filling his eyes like he would be looking himself through a mirror when Harry's tears keep streaming down his face. 

The meaning is so much more, than just a yell in a void or a place where there isn't no one hearing them. They can say I love you when they are alone, between four walls, where no one can see or hear them. But now, they are out in the open, and Harry yelling out the words is so much more than just words flying away with the wind. Harry smiles and cries and says that he loves Louis and he doesn't stop. He doesn't stop and he keeps filling the air with his love for Louis.

 

When Harry's voice wears out, he grows silent. His eyes are bloodshot. He tries to brush the tear streaks from his face but there is too much tears to actually dry his cheeks.

"I love you." Louis smiles, breathing in and out through his mouth while he doesn't even try to hide his crying.

"Harry?" Louis asks. Harry has his full attention on him, waiting for Louis to say something else.

"Harry I..." The small, 8 year old boy in Louis lifts his head again, making the Louis in front of Harry hide behind his nerves and tears and feelings.

"I want to..." He has his mouth open, trying to catch air between the words. Harry tilts his head, furrowing his brows with a smile.

"I want to go back on to the shore." Louis drops his eyes to the bottom of the boat, hiding his disappointment of himself. A drop of water falls on the back of his neck, making him lift his eyes back up. The dark clouds fall on them slowly, eating away the beautiful shades of yellows and red of the skyline with the sun.

"Let's go back." Harry smiles, a calm look in his eyes.

 

Louis drops the oars back in the water, him slowly starting to row back towards their little beach. The small rain drops turn bigger and heavier. The sea swallows them in to the dark. The rain becomes louder, a roar of drops hitting water booming around them. Harry starts to laugh midway through their way back towards the shore. He has his head tilted back, him catching the drops in to his mouth and skin. Louis watches him in awe, while he tries to row the boat faster. The rain is warm, the surroundings calm even though the the rain is like a monster falling from the sky.

 

Louis guides the boat on to the shore, the bottom dragging against the sand. Louis lifts the oars in the boat and climbs out, Harry helping him by his hand. They drag the boat further away from the water and tie it to a pole that is on the beach. The rain wash their bodies through their light clothes of t-shirts and swimming trunks. They run inside, hand in hand, laughing all they way inside. Harry opens the door, closing it after Louis and himself. They are both panting, the breathing mixing with laughs. Louis leans on his knees, while he can't peel his eyes away from Harry who leans against the door.

 

"Never been on that kind of a boat ride." Harry laughs. He drags his fingers through his wet hair to get the locks from his face. Louis looks at him, with a smirk on his lips. Harry catches Louis staring, smiling back at him.

"What?" He asks, but before he gets an answer, Louis is walking towards him and crashes his lips against Harry's. Louis pulls Harry's hair and bites his lip gently. Harry gasps and grabs Louis' hips, bringing him closer. Their wet clothes tangle together, the cool watery fabrics turning hot between them. Louis' hungry hands roam Harry's arms and press the lightest bruises from his fingertips to his complexion. He pulls Harry's shirt over his head, almost breaking it how fiercely he wants to touch Harry's skin.

Harry has his mouth open, breathing out shallowly as Louis takes his time kissing Harry's neck and collarbones, before he finally pulls Harry to him by the door and on the floor.

\- -

As they lay on the floor, in the dark, the rain has already turned calm. It plays a beautiful tune against the roof, the music of summer. Harry brought a quilt over Louis and himself so they wouldn't get cold. The wooden floorboards seem warm against Louis naked body, while Harry has his head against his chest. They are a mess of limbs against each other, tired and spent and drowsy from the feeling of each other.

Louis feels Harry's fingers drawing against his rib cage. He is refusing to fall asleep. Louis has his hand in Harry's hair, his fingers twisting the curls slowly.

"I'm lying on the moon. My dear, I'll be there soon. It's a quiet and starry place. Time's were swallowed up. In space we're here a million miles away." Louis sings the words out loud, his voice only a whisper at times. It's like a lullaby for Harry, he thinks. A lullaby for them, a song for them. Louis is so happy, it's ridiculous how happy he is. To be with Harry and to love him like he does. To actually be in love.

"There's things I wish I knew. There's no thing I keep from you. It's a dark and shiny place. But with you my dear. I'm safe and we're a million miles away." Louis can't finish the song, it gets too overwhelming. Sometimes he realizes how much he actually loves Harry. That he is in his arms, right at this moment. It's like magic. He can't explain it. Tears fall from his eyes, when he whispers the last verse. Harry takes a stronger hold of him, nuzzling against Louis.

 

That is the moment for Louis. When he is holding the love of his life. When he hears him breathing against his chest. feeling Harry's arms around him, him listening to Louis' heart beating for him. That is the moment when he decides that he has to be brave. He has to be strong. He is all those things. Because he loves and he is loved. And it's magic. Harry is magic.

 

In the dark he decides. Tomorrow, no matter the situation, he is going to ask it.

 

"Will you marry me Harry?" Louis asks in to the night, without a sound, as Harry has fallen asleep on his chest. His lips barely moving he asks it, rehearses it. And he is ready.

Louis plants a kiss in Harry's hair before he drifts to sleep, content of his bravery.

 

\- - - -

 

"Okay, umm, what do you think dogs think?" Harry asks. It's raining again, like yesterday. This time it has been raining all day, the day already turning to evening. Louis has been reading and sometimes writing some lines to new songs, Harry watching his hand movements against the paper that he wrote the words to. Harry went outside to smell the summer rain but came back when his hair started to get frizzy from the humidity. They have both been in and out of sleep at some point, the rain making them extremely sleepy.

 

Now they are lying on the floor, heads next to each other's. Louis has his feet towards the door, Harry has his feet towards the wall against it. Their ears are almost touching.

"I don't know.. Food? Or running on some field with other dogs? Or like getting scratched by their owners?" Louis let's his thoughts run freely. He feels very philosophical by thinking these questions with Harry. They were just talking, nothing in particular, when Harry turned silent and asked what it would be like to be a grain of sand on a beach. Louis had laughed at that but Harry actually was serious. So since then they have been throwing nonsensical questions at each other.

"Well think about a lion. It's like a bigger version of a cat. It must think about food all the time, maybe lion cubs if it has some. Maybe about a place to sleep. Do they have enemies? Like does lion get threatened by other animals?" Harry wonders, moving his hands in the air while he talks.

"I don't know. Could some other animals hunt lions? Maybe we have to do some research on that. But compare a lion to a dog that lives at someone's home, where its warm and it gets food and a place to sleep.. Dogs have it good don't they.."

"They really do." Harry sighs, resting his hands on his blue t-shirt covered stomach. He stays silent, Louis closing his eyes. He can hear how Harry takes in a breath before he speaks.

"Do you think stars would stop shining if the world ended?" He asks, a bit more silently than he talked before.

"No." Louis says without hesitation.

"Why not?"

"Because they are stars, they just float out there somewhere and they just, you know, are old. They can explode but that happens like once in a million years." Louis says, his heart beat picking up the pace. He doesn't even know why. It might be because he feels how the moment grows closer. Will you marry me Harry?

 

"Do you think that the stars hear us?" Louis asks. His heart is in his throat, pounding away.

"I do, I do think they hear us."

"So if I'd go out, say tonight, and I'd tell them something, the stars would hear it?" Louis swallows nervously.

"Yeah, they would hear you."

"What if I'd go out now, when they are behind clouds or when it's day time, would they hear me? If I'd tell them something, like a question that has been in my mind, would they hear it?"

It takes a while for Harry to answer him. Louis grows more nervous by the second. He feels like he was that little boy again, who should hide behind a sofa and stay there until someone finds him. But he isn't going to let that happen.

"Stars are around us all the time, we just can't see them shine like in the night time. But I think they are listening when ever you decide to talk to them. But remember that stars don't actually talk back to you." Harry chuckles, his answer clearly amusing him.

 

Louis stays quiet, knowing that he has to ask it now. He feels that if he doesn't do it now, the moment will be over forever.

"Harry?"

"Louis?" Harry has a smile in his voice.

"Harry I've been thinking about something." Louis, aged 8, says. He can't feel his hands or his feet anymore, all the blood in his body in his heart.

"I've been kind of wondering if you'd.." The words are heavy, he can't breathe.

"What is it?" Harry turns his head slightly, his nose bumping to Louis' cheek. Louis can't look at him. He closes his eyes, trying to find his normal breathing pattern.

"Harry I love you and.." Why can't he just get the words out!

"And I love you."

"But that's not what I mean.." Louis sighs, feeling the words slipping from his mouth in to unknown. It's like the ring in his suitcase is screaming out Louis' name: DO IT! ASK HIM!! I WANT TO BE AROUND HIS FINGER!!!

 

"What do you mean then?" Harry's voice is nothing but a whisper.

"That I want more." Louis says, squeezing his eyes shut, like he could glue them shut.

"What is more? We already live together, we sleep together, we.." Harry stops talking, Louis making himself open his eyes. He meets Harry's gaze, that wide gaze, waiting for Louis to say something.

"Harry?" Louis says, before he takes a deep breath.

"I have something.. Just wait here.." Louis stands up, his feet shaking enormously. He goes to his suitcase, feeling Harry's eyes on his back. He searches the bag, finding the small black box between a t-shirt and a pair of briefs. He holds it in his hand, opening it quietly.

"Louis you are scaring me." Harry says quietly. Louis closes the box and keeps it in his hand. He turns around, finding Harry leaning to his elbows. He looks Harry in the eyes, walking towards him and sitting on his lap. He hides the box behind his back, keeping it in his left hand.

 

"Harry." Louis smiles, feeling tears fill his eyes again. He can't believe that this is happening now. There is no turning back he thinks. Harry stares at Louis with his mouth open, breathing through his rosy lips. Louis fixes Harry's hair behind his ear gently, letting his fingers brush against Harry's cheek.

"I love you more than I could ever imagine and I'm going to turn in to a fucking sap.." He gives a laugh, Harry leaning to his right elbow while he brushes the tears from Louis' cheeks.

"I could never feel this way towards anyone else. I know you are the one Harry, I know it. And... I want to..." The ring box almost burns in his hand. Slowly Louis brings the box between him and Harry. Harry fixes his gaze to it, shock deep in his expression.

"If there is a key to this cottage I will murder you." Harry whispers, pointing at the box and lifting his green eyes to Louis' blue ones. Louis laughs, tilting his head.

He moves his hand to open the box, revealing the golden, thin, ring to Harry. It seems that Harry doesn't breathe when he sees it, tears falling from his eyes.

 

"Harry I want to share everything with you. I love you more than anyone would deserve in this world. I want to be forever and ever with you." Louis cries, not afraid of his feelings. The 8 year old Louis smiles at the 23 year old Louis brightly, asking him to say the last words that he needs to find bravery to say. There are no jokes, no laughs, just Louis, the way he is, not hiding behind an act.

"Harry, will you please marry me?" Louis holds his breath, while he watches Harry, who is crying and shaking and smiling and laughing and making Louis smile too.

"Yes yes yes yes yes yes!" Harry says out loud, lifting up from his elbows and kissing Louis' face everywhere. Louis' cheeks, his chin, his forehead, his nose, his temple and finally his mouth, with such sweetness that it drips sugar down to their laps.

Louis smiles through the tears when Harry pulls away. He takes the ring from the box in to his shaking hands. Harry offers his left hand to him. They press their foreheads together, tears falling to their hands. Louis eases the ring around Harry's ring finger, holding Harry's hand in his for a moment. He admires how the ring looks like against Harry's skin. It's a promise that Louis is making to him.

 

Louis lifts his head from Harry's, locking his eyes with his. For a moment he has to look at Harry, like he would be seeing Harry for the first time. Like he would be that 16 year old boy, who was ready to take on an adventure. Who wasn't afraid to hide his love. And now they are here. Not hiding.

Louis kisses Harry's tears away, before he wraps his hands around Harry's shoulders and leans his face against Harry's neck.

"I love you." Louis whispers, pressing a kiss to Harry's pulse.

"I love you more." Harry says, burying his head to Louis' shoulder.

Louis breathes freely, feeling the air flowing in his lungs without any restrictions. Like he would be breathing for the first time in his life. Like he thought, Harry is magic.

 

\- - - -

 

”Nervous?” Louis whispers to Harry, who is sitting in front of him. Doris plays with Harry's fingers, twisting and turning the rings in them. The engagement ring is her favorite, Harry can tell by the amount of attention Doris is giving to it. Harry smiles to Louis, nodding. 

”You?” Harry whispers back. 

”This is almost like I was going to ask them to marry me.” Louis emphasizes his words by giving Harry a wide eyed look. Harry chuckles, hiding it in Doris' hair. 

 

Louis' family is in the kitchen preparing a meal of lasagna when Harry and Louis promised to take care of the younger children. 

Lottie and the sisters stayed home north, saying that they had better things to do there. 

"Oh the teenagers." Louis had said, laughing when he had called his mum when he was inviting them to visit him and Harry in London after their holiday. So now it's only Jay, Dan and the little twins.

 

”They smell amazing, don't they?” Louis asks, burying his own nose in to Ernest's hair. 

”I can't even decipher how much I like the smell of a baby.” Harry says, babbling to Doris. 

”What if we'd have one, in the future?” Louis asks. 

”A baby?” Harry smiles, the thought about babies with Louis warming his heart. 

”Yeah, or a few of them. You know, have a big family and all.” Louis strokes Ernest's hair softly, holding him by his belly. 

”A big family you say?” Harry giggles, looking Louis in the eyes. Louis only smiles back. 

”You know I can't resist a big family. Or babies. Or a baby with you. You know that.” Harry whispers, being cautious that his words won't spread around the house. Louis nods, leaning his head against Ernest's cheek. Harry chuckles, the brothers having some same features already. 

”I love you Harry Styles.” Louis whispers, reaching his hand to Harry's left hand. Doris has moved her focus on Harry's right hand as he has some more rings on it. Louis holds Harry's ring finger, gently twisting the ring in it. Harry smiles, leaning forward to kiss Louis gently. The babies look at them with wide eyes, their mouths round. Harry and Louis start to laugh at them quietly, when they manage to separate their soft lips. 

 

"Could you go and open the door?" Louis asks Harry, as they hear the door bell ring. The siblings are giggling now, as Harry and Louis have been pulling silly faces at them and tickling their sides. 

Harry nods, giving laughing Doris to Louis. Harry walks to the door and opens it. He hides his left hand behind the door, finding Liam behind it.

"Heey mate! How was your holiday?" He laughs.

"It was great, come in." Harry smiles when they hug warmly.

"Niall is just behind me." Liam says as he kicks his shoes off and walks further in the house towards the voices.

”Where did you leave Sophia? She was invited too.” Harry wonders. 

”She had something to do with her friends. But she said to tell you that we are going to come and have dinner with you sometime soon.” Liam smiles, his brown eyes shining. He makes his way in to the house, leaving Harry smile on his own. 

"You've made Louis become quite the father figure." Liam winks his eye at Harry before he walks in to the living room where the giggling little children are.

 

Harry smiles and shakes his head slowly, getting terrified of the thought that they might actually have children at some point. Him and Louis. That they are going to be a family. An official family.

"Hazza!" Niall yells, when he still has some way to come inside. The voice startles Harry out of his thoughts. 

"Niall! Come inside!" Harry greets, letting him inside.

"How are you?" Harry asks, as they hug.

"Really good, have been sleeping a lot. It's good to have this mini break." He says and when Harry looks at him, Niall actually looks really well rested.

"How was your holiday?" Niall raises his brows, his eyes twinkling.

"Really great, love Sweden." Harry laughs, his cheeks blushing.

"Really great.." Niall laughs, lifting his brow understanding the two meanings you could get from Harry's answer. 

"So why are we here? With such a short notice and all.." Niall takes off his trainers and walks with Harry in to the living room.

"Just wanted to have everyone together." Harry says, sitting down in front of Louis. Doris takes a few wobbly steps to crash to Harry. He wraps his hands around her, sitting Doris between his spread legs.

"Who are already here?" Liam nods towards the kitchen. 

"Mom and Dan. Anne and Robin are coming with Gemma in a bit." Louis tells them while he buries his nose against Ernest's hair. He lifts his eyes to Harry's, who is smiling gently. Louis smiles back, a wordless conversation about kids floating in the air.

 

"What has happened between you two? You seem even more disgusting than before." Niall laughs, touching Ernest's nose with his finger. Ernest giggles and tilts his head away from Niall's hand. Harry and Louis only hide their faces and their fond smiles.

"Oh hi Niall, Liam!" Jay walks in, bending down to hug them both.

"Where are the napkins?" Jay asks Louis. Before he can even answer, Harry is standing up, Doris in his arms.

"I can come show you." He smiles. The young girl pulls his curls, putting them in her mouth.  
The doorbell rings, Harry looking down at Louis.

"I'll get it." He says, giving Ernest to Liam. Liam looks at the young boy with wide eyes, but then walks him closer and sits the boy down. He and Niall tickle Ernest, the light giggles filling the room.

 

Harry can hear his family coming in, Gemma saying something in the lines of "aw, Liam and Niall already have kids". They laugh in the living room, the voices coming closer. Jay thanks Harry, as he helps Dan and her make the table while Doris is still in his guarding arms.

 

"Oh look! Harry is a dad too!" Gemma laughs when she comes to hug Harry and give a kiss in the middle of Doris' forehead. Harry turns red from his cheeks, catching Louis' eyes on him. Louis turns his head away, his smile so big that it's almost threatening to burst in to laughter.

"The food is ready!" Jay tells everyone after they have greeted each other with kisses on the cheeks and hugs. Harry gives Doris to Dan and the girl's mouth turns in to a pout after she has to let go of Harry's hair.

 

Everyone sit around the table, except for Harry and Louis. They stay standing next to each other, first looking at each other and then at their loved ones.

"Is there a catch why you wanted us here?" Anne asks, looking at the couple.

"Umm, well.. We do have some news." Louis starts.

"I knew it! I knew it that these two bastards are hiding something!" Niall laughs, Harry looking at him with horrified eyes.

"Oh come on Harry, they won't understand what that means." Niall points at Doris and Ernest. Jay covers Ernest's ears, while he sits in her lap. 

"Well, spit it out. What is it?" Jay looks at Louis, then at Harry.

"We, we have umm.. We are engaged." Harry says, looking at everyone. Anne's mouth drops open, Robin starting to laugh nervously. They are all waiting for something.

"You serious?" Gemma asks, furrowing her brows together.

"Yeah." Louis takes Harry's hand in to his, looking proudly at his fiancé. Harry shows his left hand to the others without any glamour, just so that everyone sees the ring.

They all look at the soon-to-be-husbands, their shock ready to break in to joy.

\- -

A man walks his dog on the street. He is just passing a white, expensive looking house, when his dog decides to poop next to the gate.

"Oh Rolf, not there." The man sighs. He takes out a poop bag from his pocket. A loud laughter fills the air, some happy screams following. Someone cheers, a thick Irish accent booming on to the street.

"I KNEW THESE BASTARDS ARE GOING TO DO IT SOON!!" The voice says.

 

The dog walker looks at the luxurious house through the iron gate. He shakes his head, smiling.

"Crazy people." He mutters, collecting the pile of his dog from the street.

"Come on Rolf." He pulls the dog with him, giving the house one last look before walking away. He can still hear the laughter from that white home, after he has walked for a good time.

"Why don't people close their windows if they are going to party like that?" He asks from himself, Rolf the dog spotting a squirrel and running after it, dragging the man after the leash.

**Author's Note:**

> So this wraps up this series. I wrote it kind of as an prologue for a fic that I'll be writing later. But I guess you can already tell what is to come :) 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has been reading. It means the world to me. Tell me what you think and you can always come talk to me on my tumblr about fics or anything :) (sing-about-being-free or alltheselittlewritings)


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